Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts

Monday, May 1, 2017

Life Preserver

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you ... Isaiah 43:2



Helpless. Alone in a vast expanse of tossing, tumbling blue-gray waves, I searched the horizon for help when the shape of a small boat appeared. I called out as I fought against the pounding waves toward the only hope of rescue and saw something fly through the air. Was it a life preserver? My haven, my only source of survival—yet so far away I doubted my ability to reach it. When I raised my head for a breath, another wave smashed into my face. I choked and sputtered, my vision, blurred from tears and seawater, fixed on that one small, bobbing hope.

Thunder rumbled from dark clouds roiling above in a sky as dark as the water, dragging me back two strokes for every one I took. I had to make it. My legs ached. My lungs burned. My shoulders knotted with exhaustion. Waves crashed higher and higher, and the life preserver seemed to be floating away. 

I paused, treading water, and waved a quivering arm above my head. “Wait!” I spat out the salty water that washed into my mouth. “I’m coming. Please, don’t leave me! I can’t swim anymore.”

The life preserver sailed across the water, smacking against the side of my head, and I grabbed it. Relief. I wrapped my shaking arms around it, my spirits buoyed by the firm tug on the rope, grateful for the unseen hand pulling me toward my rescuer. I was safe at last.

The figure in the boat was obscured in darkness, but I clung tight, overjoyed as each tug on the rope drew me closer. Perhaps he had a warm blanket to ease the chills that racked my body. My teeth chattered until I could scarce take a breath. A drink of fresh water to wash the salt from my lips would be heaven. Just a few more yards to go.

My hand bumped against the boat and I looked up at the imposing form of my rescuer, silhouetted against a ray of sun shining through a break in the clouds. “Th-th-thank y-y-ou.”

No hand reached down to pluck me from the waves. No voice spoke words of reassurance. The man sat, taking up the oars and beginning to tow me through the water. Perhaps the boat was full? I saw no other survivors. There seemed room enough for me. “P-please, I can’t hold on much longer.”
His head dipped in a nod, but he only rowed on, strong, firm strokes drawing the boat toward a shore I could not see.

“Please sir, could you help me into the boat? I’m weak and numb—so tired.” The steady pull as the oars swished through the water was the only answer. I closed my eyes and concentrated on keeping my head above the water, praying to reach the shore.

“Trust me.” His deep tone resonated through my soul. I knew that voice. “You’re safe, my child, safe in the center of my will. Can you not trust the man who died for you to do what’s best?”



A wave, more massive any than I had faced washed over me, stealing the breath from my body. I sputtered as water streamed down my face and gasped, drawing air into emptied lungs. “Jesus? Is that you? Please, will you not help me into the boat?”

“When the time is right, my child. Hold on. I’m here.”

“But Jesus, the next wave could drown me. I’m so tired and cold.”

“Hold fast. Your rest will come. I’ve got you.”

I closed my eyes, tightened my tenuous grip on the rope, and leaned my weary head against the life preserver. My heart screamed what I felt too weak to say. My God is for me, so nothing can overcome me. Even these waves will not destroy me. Nothing can stand against His power.

With every ounce of strength, I heaved a breath. “How long?”

The swish of the oars stopped and the boat slowed as a gentle hand settled on my head. “Dear one, I am more interested in your character than your comfort. I forge my greatest servants in battle, not in ease. When the time is right, I’ll lift you up. Trust me. Breathe my name.”
***
I’ve been there. So weak I thought I could not hold on one more second. So weary I felt giving myself up to the waves preferable to holding on. So overwhelmed I had no words of hope for anyone. So fragile I could do nothing for myself. But my Savior says He holds me safe in the palms of His hands and underneath me are His everlasting arms. He keeps a bottle filled with my tears. He has numbered every hair on my head. He lifts the weary as on the wings of eagles. All is well when He is near.

Because I have known Him for a long time, and I have His word, I know that Jesus will never let go of me. I know He will bring me safely home in His perfect time.

Lord, give me strength to hold on when I cannot see the shore.


© Copyright by Norma Gail Thurston Holtman, August 1, 2016

About the Author:
Norma Gail is the author of the contemporary Christian romance, Land of My Dreams, winner of the 2016 Bookvana Religious Fiction Award. A women’s Bible study leader for over 21 years, her devotionals and poetry have appeared at ChristianDevotions.us, the Stitches Thru Time blog, and in “The Secret Place.” She is a member of American Christian Fiction Writers and Romance Writers of America. Norma is a former RN who lives in the mountains of New Mexico with her husband of 40 years. They have two adult children.
Connect with Norma:
Book Links:

Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas: https://lpcbooks.com/norma-gail/

Monday, February 13, 2017

A Song in the Night

I remembered my songs in the night. Psalm 77:6



I could not remember the last day without pain. A week of small trials, following a prolonged period of physical pain and sleeplessness made me feel trapped, as if the sun would never shine again.

When a painful condition is unseen, others doubt and are quick to accuse. It is all too frequent for people to condemn the sufferer rather than console. The widow receives comfort for a while, and then life is expected to move on. Too often, the innocent spouse receives as much judgment as the guilty. The surgical patient receives more sympathy than the sufferer of an invisible disability.

A bird perched upon a dead tree outside my window, singing as a blanket of fog wrapped me in the silence of unrelenting hurt created a powerful picture. God is as close in the throes of misery and sorrow, as in the sunshine, but it is more difficult to run to Him when surrounded by blackness and thorns.

God spoke to Job in the midst of the storm and to Elijah in a still small voice after the tumult had passed. God answers when I call to Him. He does not leave me alone in the dark, hopeless, and afraid. When it appears He has abandoned, God whispers the comfort of His presence. I only have to sit still to hear. God rarely shouts His answers. He prefers the quiet solitude of our hearts to speak His most gracious words of comfort and peace. He desires me to lean my head on His chest, leaving my burdens at His feet.

It is not chance that Jesus was called the “Man of Sorrows.” He knows my own unique pain. He will not leave me desolate. He will bring balm for my aching soul as He sent the ravens to feed Elijah at Cherith, and angels to Jesus in the wilderness. When the times of pain and darkness come, I must remember the times God has given me songs in the night, adopted children in the midst of infertility, certainty of heaven in the midst of crushing grief.

Look for Him in the darkness. Call to God from the fog of pain. He may not take away the circumstances, but He is faithful to provide healing balm and restore singing to an aching heart.
After A Long Night
What will it be like
When in Your presence I stand,
When I reach out for You
And touch Your hand?
What will it be like
When Your face I see,
When I feel Your presence
Surrounding me?
I long for the day
When all pain is gone,
When my joy and my task
Is to sing Your song.
How will I feel
When I’ve been set free—
From the pain and struggle
That now enslave me?
I long for the day
When I see Your face,
When all of my sickness
Is healed by Your grace.
You are my strength
While I walk this sod,
But, Oh, what peace
To behold my God!
There will come a day
When I understand,
And behold my scars
Upon Your hands.
When I get lost
In the fog of pain,
I cry out for Your presence,
I plead in Your Name.
You are always there,
You never delay.
But still, in my heart,
I will long for that day
When all earthly pain
And sorrow are gone,
At last and forever,
I will be at home.

© Copyright Norma Gail Thurston Holtman

About the author:
Norma Gail’s debut contemporary Christian romance, Land of My Dreams, set in Scotland and New Mexico is the winner of the 2016 Bookvana Religious Fiction Award. She led weekly women’s Bible studies for 21 years. Her devotionals, poetry have appeared at ChristianDevotions.us, the Stitches Thru Time blog, and in “The Secret Place.” She is a member of American Christian Fiction Writers, FaithWriters, Romance Writers of America, and the New Mexico Christian Novelists. She is a former RN who lives in the mountains of New Mexico with her husband of 40 years. They have two adult children.
Connect with Norma:
Book links:

Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas: http://store.lpcbooks.com/product/land-of-my-dreams/

Monday, January 30, 2017

Never Alone


The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1

Years of one health problem after another seemed to condense into that one word. Alone. I don’t want to be sick. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to do this alone.

Illness is a lonely thing by its very nature. We each have our own experience in pain that no one else shares quite in the same way. It is very subjective.

The trip to a specialty clinic thousands of miles away was a gift from God, a chance to see if the myriad symptoms attacking my body made sense to anyone. But two weeks of intense and intrusive testing and therapy meant I had to go alone. I have flown alone. I’ve driven alone, but there was always someone I knew waiting at the other end. This time there would be no one. To make the trip alone was one thing. To eat every meal, go to every doctor and therapist, spend every evening and two weekends alone, with no one to make me laugh when I felt like crying, no one to share my frustrations, or help me navigate around the massive complex—I cried just thinking about it.



Then a voice whispered in my ear. “I will be with you. You are never alone. Trust me. Focus on what I will do. Look for what I can show you. We’ll do this together.” I don’t know what God will do yet, but I will not be alone. God is in the midst of this trial. I will not fear.

Dear Lord, wrap your arms around those who are lonely and hurting. Whisper your presence into our darkness. Speak your truth into our circumstances. Shout your love into our loneliness. Remind us of your presence. Give us your peace. Help us go forth in hope and faith. Remind us we are never alone. Amen.


© Copyright by Norma Gail Thurston Holtman, February 16, 2016

About the author:
Norma Gail is the author of the contemporary Christian romance, Land of My Dreams, winner of the 2016 Bookvana Religious Fiction Award. A women’s Bible study leader for over 21 years, her devotionals and poetry have appeared at ChristianDevotions.us, the Stitches Thru Time blog, and in “The Secret Place.” She is a member of American Christian Fiction Writers and Romance Writers of America. Norma is a former RN who lives in the mountains of New Mexico with her husband of 40 years. They have two adult children.

Connect with Norma:
Book Links:

Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas: https://lpcbooks.com/norma-gail/

Monday, March 21, 2016

Sufficient Grace



My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

I am alone. Gray skies, snow falling. The cold and dreary weather fed my mood. 1200 miles from home, seeking medical treatment where I know no one, I felt overwhelmed and depressed. Chronic pain, not sleeping well, finding my way for appointments and meals, struggling with computer problems—I worked myself into a real pity party.

“My grace is sufficient …” No matter where I looked this verse came to me.

“Then why am I alone, Father? Why am I sick anyway? Haven’t I suffered enough? Isn’t it time for a break?”

“My grace is sufficient.” But I felt empty, out of sorts, grumpy, and irritable.

A walk through a major medical center always changes perspective. However, I didn’t want to rejoice that I wasn’t as sick as someone else. I wanted to be well, strong, healthy, and home, anywhere except where I was.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary gives an example: “the sufficiency of the portions is such that you will leave the restaurant with a full stomach but without doggie bags”. Do you get it? Enough. Not too much. Enough to satisfy my momentary needs, not enough for tomorrow or next week but enough for today—sufficient.

My travel went well, flights on time, weather fine. I couldn’t complain. People at the small, regional airport smiled. The young man at the rental car counter offered to bring the car around since it was raining—a nice gesture. The car was red. Any car would have been sufficient, but God gave a little extra.

Then I received a comment to a Facebook post. What are the odds an author from my small publisher would find me and invite me to church? I sat with him and his wife. The pastor prayed for me. They invited me for lunch. I was greeted warmly and invited back.

I wasn’t alone. My situation remained the same but God was sufficient. I was down, He gave me a smile. I was lonely, He gave me a church.

Whatever weighs you down, God is sufficient. And sometimes, because God loves to see us smile, He gives a little bit extra. A little red car and new friends.

Sufficient grace. Thank Him.


© Norma Gail Thurston Holtman, March 20, 2016

About the author:
Norma Gail is the author of the contemporary Christian romance, Land of My Dreams. A women’s Bible study leader for over 21 years, her devotionals and poetry have appeared at ChristianDevotions.us, the Stitches Thru Time blog, and in “The Secret Place.” She is a member of American Christian Fiction Writers, Romance Writers of America, and the New Mexico Christian Novelists. Norma is a former RN who lives in the mountains of New Mexico with her husband of 40 years. They have two adult children.
Connect with Norma:
Book Links:
Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas Bookstore: http:// lpcbooks.com/product/land-of-my-dreams/

Monday, November 16, 2015

In Hope


Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, Lord. Repeat them in our day, in our time make them known… Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights. Habakkuk 3:2, 17-19


There are times in life that are hard—illness, loss of a job, death of a loved one, the list goes on and on. Hope fades to a faint glow, which threatens to go out at the slightest breeze. Just making it through the day is a challenge.

Habakkuk wrote his prophecy in the time of Jeremiah and Zephaniah, prophesying about the same events, the time of the Chaldeans and their ruin of Jerusalem. In spite of the terrible prophesies, Habakkuk speaks of God delivering His people and saving His anointed one. Here is great spiritual truth: even in the darkest night, when everything seems lost, God never leaves His people without hope.

When struggle dominates our days and pain consumes our nights, it is difficult to see anything promising on the horizon. Yet time and again, scripture reveals God’s promise of better things to come. Noah and his family entrusted their lives to the Lord when He sent them into the ark. Abraham looked forward when he left his home in Ur and headed for a place he knew nothing about. When it seemed his suffering had no end, Job proclaimed his certainty of seeing God. Paul and Silas believed when they sang songs of praise in a Philippian jail. Martyrs have died in hope through two thousand years of Christianity.

Hebrews 11 gives us a glorious history of God’s faithful who did not receive the promise in their lifetime, but died believing and Paul writes that we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses.

In times of struggle, it is good to have a prayer journal of God’s answers throughout our lives and notes in our Bible margins recording the dates when God fulfilled His promises. We are never told to expect that all our prayers will be answered within our lifetimes, but we are promised God’s strength and the power to endure hardship through the presence of the Holy Spirit.

When caught in life’s trials, I remember the goodness of God as evidenced in His word; His love and the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ. I have all the power that raised Christ from the dead within me. How can I not have hope?

© Copyright by Norma Gail Thurston Holtman, November 7, 2015


About the author:
Norma Gail’s debut contemporary Christian romance, Land of My Dreams, released in April 2014. She has led weekly women’s Bible studies for 20 years. Her devotionals and poetry have appeared at ChristianDevotions.us, the Stitches Thru Time blog, and in “The Secret Place.” She is a member of American Christian Fiction Writers, FaithWriters, Romance Writers of America, and the New Mexico Christian Novelists. Norma is a former RN who lives in the mountains of New Mexico with her husband of 39 years. They have two adult children.

Connect with Norma:
Book Links:

Monday, August 10, 2015

A Song in the Night



I could not remember the last day without pain. A week of small trials, following a prolonged period of physical pain and sleeplessness made me feel trapped, as if the sun would never shine again.

When a painful condition is unseen, others doubt and are quick to accuse. It is all too frequent for people to condemn the sufferer rather than console. The widow receives comfort for a while, and then life is expected to move on. Too often, the innocent spouse receives as much judgment as the guilty. The surgical patient receives more sympathy than the sufferer of an invisible disability.

A bird perched upon a dead tree outside my window, singing as a blanket of fog wrapped me in the silence of unrelenting hurt created a powerful picture. God is as close in the throes of misery and sorrow, as in the sunshine, but it is more difficult to run to Him when surrounded by blackness and thorns.

God spoke to Job in the midst of the storm and to Elijah in a still small voice after the tumult had passed. God answers when I call to Him. He does not leave me alone in the dark, hopeless, and afraid. When it appears He has abandoned, God whispers the comfort of His presence. I only have to sit still to hear. God rarely shouts His answers. He prefers the quiet solitude of our hearts to speak His most gracious words of comfort and peace. He desires me to lean my head on His chest, leaving my burdens at His feet.

It is not chance that Jesus was called the “Man of Sorrows.” He knows my own unique pain. He will not leave me desolate. He will bring balm for my aching soul as He sent the ravens to feed Elijah at Cherith, and angels to Jesus in the wilderness. When the times of pain and darkness come, I must remember the times God has given me songs in the night, adopted children in the midst of infertility, certainty of heaven in the midst of crushing grief.

Look for Him in the darkness. Call to Him from the fog of pain. He may not take away the circumstances, but He is faithful to provide healing balm and restore singing to an aching heart.

© Copyright Norma Gail Thurston Holtman

May 21, 2015

About the author:
Norma Gail’s debut contemporary Christian romance, Land of My Dreams, set in Scotland and New Mexico released in April 2014. She has led weekly women’s Bible studies for 19 years. Her devotionals, poetry have appeared at ChristianDevotions.us, the Stitches Thru Time blog, and in “The Secret Place.” She is a member of American Christian Fiction Writers, FaithWriters, Romance Writers of America, and the New Mexico Christian Novelists. She is a former RN who lives in the mountains of New Mexico with her husband of 39 years. They have two adult children.

Connect with Norma:

Book Links:
Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas Bookstore: http://store.lpcbooks.com/product/land-of-my-dreams/