Guess Who?

It's time for another round of "Guess Who?" I hope you had fun doing it yesterday because we've got 9 more of our contributors to figure out today, and the one who guesses the most correctly first gets a prize. :)

1. This marvelous ma'am was a shy child who never got in any trouble at school. That’s an exaggeration, but a lot of humor is nothing but exaggerations. Case in point, one day a substitute teacher came into her fifth grade class and announced, “Mrs. Bell is at the dentist’s today. She’s having a bridge put in.” The girl in front of her turned and whispered, “Her mouth is big enough.” She started giggling, which got the teacher’s attention, but she couldn’t stop laughing. The more the teacher demanded to know what was funny, the funnier it sounded to her. Soon the whole class was laughing. ---Who is she?
2. This country character is the only one in her family with naturally red hair, has the tendency to squeal when killing scorpions or snakes, and loves to sing even the silliest of songs. ---Who is she?
3. This lovely lady is a strawberry shortcake lovin’ Michigander who ended up living in the south. She doesn’t drink sweet tea, but makes up for it with a killer recipe for cheese grits. You can find her hunched over the laptop in a different corner of the house every day, chugging lattes, working on her second (or third) novel, and prepping for the Bible study she might be teaching that week. She’s a sucker for most advertising, dessert, and the occasional Hallmark Christmas movie, but she’s happiest when laughing with her family and dipping her toes into her favorite northern lake. ---Who is she?
4. This daring diva would lay out the material for a garment on the bed. Then she would pin the material to the pattern and cut it out. After butchering two quilts in this process Momma and Granny insisted she put the patterns on the floor. She did....and cut the carpet. --- Who is she?
5. Like many people, this fabulous female has a “bucket list.” So far, she has screamed her way down the Nantahala River whitewater rafting (although the screaming part was not on the list); she parasailed (breathtaking experience); she scheduled a hot air balloon ride, which, sadly, was cancelled due to bad weather (this greatly relieved her sister whom she had cajoled into going with her); and she recently fulfilled a lifelong dream to learn how to play the drums by joining the University of South Carolina New Horizons Band – the clarinet is next, she thinks, as the percussion instruments are too heavy to haul around. She wants to visit at least ten national parks, take a mule ride through the Grand Canyon, ride a gondola in Venice, and visit a winery in Tuscany, Italy. --- Who is she?
6. This hiding heroine is a retired college professor who is currently writing full time. She doesn't really consider herself retired (especially considering how many hours a day she spends at a keyboard.) She just figures she was fortunate enough to get the school to pay her to write full-time. Okay, working 50-60 hour weeks for them for 20 years probably had something to do with it as well. She never married. She lives alone with five cats. Or perhaps she should say they allow her to live with them. She figures someone has to keep the stereotype alive of the Retired Old Maid School Teacher with Cats. She always seems to find herself, if not on the cutting edge of what it happening, out in front of it somewhere waiting for it to arrive. She helped promote Christian rock concerts in the 70s, internet evangelism in the 90s, online education in the aughts and now testing out the field of indie publishing. She says, "Hey, I'm old not dead. I don't try to ride the wave of what's happening. I want to be on shore already before it arrives." --- Who is she?
7. This mysterious momma home-schooled all her children. She enjoyed every minute. Well, almost. To say she's not good at science is an understatement. Once, when her kids were 8, 6, and 4, she thought it would be fun to watch tadpoles grow into frogs. Per the instructions in a book, she gathered tadpoles from their pond and put them in a gallon jar. She stretched cheesecloth over the top and rubber banded it in place. When they checked them the next morning, the tadpoles were gone and mosquitoes covered the top of the water. She'd collected mosquito larva in the last stages of metamorphosis. Really glad she covered the jar with cheesecloth. Needless to say, they abandoned that experiment and never tried it again. After all, she's not good at science. --- Who is she?
8. From the time this grown-up gal was a teen she weighed all of 95 pounds until the two times she was pregnant. She has three sisters - all older and all were much heavier and taller than her for as long as she could remember. The year she contracted a chronic disease she began putting on weight to the final tally of an additional 65 pounds on her 5' body. Ironically, her pride took a huge dip as she learned each of my sisters lost large amounts of weight over the same time period, and now instead of being the smallest of the four of them, she seemed to have gained all the weight they lost and is the heaviest. Height hasn't changed, but it's sure been rough on the pride. When it causes her to fret, she remembers that pride may go before a fall - didn't say anything about going before a gain. --- Who is she?
9. This awesome author embraces adventure. Her pursuits have included driving a tow truck, kissing giraffes, climbing rock walls, touring mines, and riding camels. --- Who is she?

Leave your guesses in the comments below. The person who gets the most correct first will win a crochetted project of their choice (check our Prize Galore page for details), and don't forget your comments this week put you in the drawing for one of this Saturday's giveaways and for the Jackpot Giveaway on August 31st. So start guessing! :D